more stories
Father Beaulieu
I noted elsewhere in these pages that I have canvassed many issues with many individuals in my 50 or so years of working intensely with people. Individuals arrive with their own distinct patterns and scripts and the task is usually to ascertain how the patterns are working for them or against them. People are complex. Interaction with others, be they a spouse, a colleague, a customer or an adversary heighten the complexity. Most of the sessions are serious. There are a few gems that stick out in my mind.
I was mediating a custody dispute and both parents said that their twelve year old son would like to meet with me on his own. The father had a business opportunity in the United States and would be away from NZ for up to two years. He wanted their son to have the opportunity to experience another country and a different culture. The mother was opposed to the idea for a variety of reasons. The lad came to my office and after the usual pleasantries he exclaimed,“ Mr. Mediator, you have your work cut out for you. My parents are both pathelogical liars. Neither of them can be trusted “. Quite a comment and it proved to be prophetic. He did not go to the USA and despite the fact that he wanted to go quite badly, he did not get the opportunity.Like most of my clients I have no idea of how the parenting plan evolved. My task was completed and the parties faded into the ether. The lad did teach me a lesson I have never forgotten. When parents are fighting for their failures, their children are keen observers and when canvassed will often shed light on the situation to counter the darkness the parents project.
I have delved into ego functioning states, script patterns and distorted thought processes in my practice. An Aussie client said to me when I was helping him understand the speed with which we move from one ego functioning state to another, “ my problem, mate, is that my brain works at the speed of sound and my mouth works at the speed of light “. Problem diagnosed clearly.Outcome, less certain.
Going back six decades to my Bishop’s days a group of us often went on a study retreat to the Benedict Monastery at Saint Benoit du Lac. I think I went three times. We would stay for about a week. The high mass on Sunday morning was amazing. The monks were renowned for their Gregorian chanting. With the incense wafting through the massive cathedral it was all very moving, even for an atheist lad. The Monastery liaison person was Father Beaulieu. He was around 40 years old and had been at the Monastery since he was 18. He was a scolar and talked about reading St Thomas Aquinas in the original and writing many of the texts used in French schools. He enjoyed talking with us. During the winter the monks had an hour of recreation after lunch. A game of hockey often eventuated. Skating around in their black cassocks was quite a picture. One afternoon Father Beaulieu body checked me heavily and leaned over me and said,” 23 hours a day I am a Benedictine, 1 hour a day I am a French Canadian “ Say no more.
I was mediating a custody dispute and both parents said that their twelve year old son would like to meet with me on his own. The father had a business opportunity in the United States and would be away from NZ for up to two years. He wanted their son to have the opportunity to experience another country and a different culture. The mother was opposed to the idea for a variety of reasons. The lad came to my office and after the usual pleasantries he exclaimed,“ Mr. Mediator, you have your work cut out for you. My parents are both pathelogical liars. Neither of them can be trusted “. Quite a comment and it proved to be prophetic. He did not go to the USA and despite the fact that he wanted to go quite badly, he did not get the opportunity.Like most of my clients I have no idea of how the parenting plan evolved. My task was completed and the parties faded into the ether. The lad did teach me a lesson I have never forgotten. When parents are fighting for their failures, their children are keen observers and when canvassed will often shed light on the situation to counter the darkness the parents project.
I have delved into ego functioning states, script patterns and distorted thought processes in my practice. An Aussie client said to me when I was helping him understand the speed with which we move from one ego functioning state to another, “ my problem, mate, is that my brain works at the speed of sound and my mouth works at the speed of light “. Problem diagnosed clearly.Outcome, less certain.
Going back six decades to my Bishop’s days a group of us often went on a study retreat to the Benedict Monastery at Saint Benoit du Lac. I think I went three times. We would stay for about a week. The high mass on Sunday morning was amazing. The monks were renowned for their Gregorian chanting. With the incense wafting through the massive cathedral it was all very moving, even for an atheist lad. The Monastery liaison person was Father Beaulieu. He was around 40 years old and had been at the Monastery since he was 18. He was a scolar and talked about reading St Thomas Aquinas in the original and writing many of the texts used in French schools. He enjoyed talking with us. During the winter the monks had an hour of recreation after lunch. A game of hockey often eventuated. Skating around in their black cassocks was quite a picture. One afternoon Father Beaulieu body checked me heavily and leaned over me and said,” 23 hours a day I am a Benedictine, 1 hour a day I am a French Canadian “ Say no more.